Hello. This is Brian's dad writing a final entry into my son's blog.
Brian took his own life just over a year ago as I write this. He left us the following note, not discovered until after he had carried out his plans. His body has never been recovered.To Those Who Love Me,
If all goes according to plan, I will have drowned in the frigid, yet majestic, waters of Lake Superior on the night of September 20, 2019. The body will probably prove difficult to find, so just take my word for it that if you don’t hear from me, I’ll be gone.
I have lived a good life, more than 28 years of it, but I’ve had enough now. The way I see it, my future will involve me either being a drudge, a bum, or a parasite. I am not passionate enough about anything in this life to endure the humiliation of living as either of those three things. So, best to quit while I’m ahead.
I know that my actions will cause a great deal of pain to those that I love, and for that I am sorry. But, it is my decision to make, and, I will not be around (thankfully) to witness that pain (not that this makes it any better from your perspective). So, please don’t be too sad, and try to celebrate the good life that I have lived.
Please tell my friends that I am gone. My passwords that you might want are listed below.
Love,
Brian.
Brian was a brilliant thinker. He had a top-flight degree in history from the University of Toronto and was a veritable encyclopedia on virtual anything that mattered in history and political science. For the period of time in which he wrote this blog, he was passionate about analyzing and thinking critically about society and solutions.
Brian was a great guy. Handsome, outgoing, great conversationalist. He earned a very legitimate black belt in Karate taught in an MMA style. He had a number of girlfriends over the years, some quite serious, but none clicked. He had some good friends. After University he was accepted at law school but chose not to go after spending an intensive summer researching the law, and being turned off by the arbitrariness of it all. He instead chose to retrain as a Data Scientist, got a job in the field, and he was doing well at it. But he lacked any passion for it. He did not do drugs or drink much. He did have some nervous, mild-OCD-like tendencies, but resisted seeking any help for them. He had a loving family. We never dreamt Brian would take his own life.
If we look back at his note, a "drudge" is someone he considers to be just putting in the motions, without any real passion for them. In Brian's mind it was ok for one to have a job that was drudge-like, so long as one had some other passions outside of work. A "parasite" is somebody who lives off of the work of others. Living off of society via welfare, or even his parents (though we were happy to support Brian in whatever endeavor he chose, even encouraging him to become an author, as we believed he had great contributions yet to make). A "bum" is somebody who scrapes by, not beholden to anybody. Brian wished to be none of these things, and felt he no longer held the passion for the type of work you see in this blog. Indeed his output dropped off and ended in early 2017, two-and-a-half years before he took his own life.
However, Brian was truly prolific in his writing for the three year period from 2014 to 2017. He wrote a number of fictional books, and a number of non-fiction ones as well that he published onto Kindle. The content of his non-fiction books is almost entirely present on this blog as well.
Brian's writing were never "popular" in any sense. It was never his intent to write for others. He wrote for himself, to clarify his own ideas. He well knew that the world nowadays had little room for a rational thinker on social issues. His work requires careful reading, reflection, re-reading, and more reflection to get the most out of it. It is not because the writing is at all convoluted, quite the opposite. It is the ideas that are complex and nuanced and that challenge all your pre-conceived notions. It is not for the faint of heart. Approach with an open mind.
Brian's blog starts with a series of posts entitled How to Think About Social Issues. He formulates 30 "tips" on how to think through these types of issues. You can tell that Brian had been thinking deeply on these matters for many years before writing them down.
My wife and I, his brother, his cousin, his aunts and uncles, his friends, were all extremely sad to see Brian go. It's been about 7 years now as I post this. We still have not gotten over it, and I suppose we never will.
